The Hobbit: A Movie Review

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The Hobbit an Unexpected Journey

The Hobbit an Unexpected Journey is a fresh take on the Romantic Comedy genre. The film starts with our main character Hobbit (Adam Sandler) looking for an engagement ring for his wife Gannondolf (Adam Sandler). She wants a magic ring, specifically, so he goes to a cave to find it. There he meets Gollum (Jack Nicholson) who tells Hobbit that if he wants the ring he needs to go on a journey, an unexpected journey. This is where the film becomes very interesting.  The movie becomes kind of confusing when you realize that Hobbit’s name is not Hobbit and that his name is Frodo. Frodo meets a bunch of dwarves from Snow White and they go to try to kill the dragon from Shrek (Datkota Fanning) so that they can stop Sauron from stealing Shrek’s swamp. Director Joss Wheaton does a good job making the viewer feel that Frodo is actually real because really none of this is real it is just a movie. Does anyone read my movie reviews? I doubt it. I doubt anyone in the entire world will ever read this besides me. Why do I even try? I could literally write anything and it wouldn’t matter. I honestly haven’t even seen the Hobbit movies and I still have to write a review on the second one with a minimum of 500 words.  Why do I care? I have to take a piss but I don’t feel like getting up to do so, so I am just going to cross my legs and try to forget about it. Words words words. More Words. Are we at 500 yet? Nope, only 278 including the title I wrote which won’t even really be a part of it. If you are reading this right now then I have a favor to ask. Email me and tell me that you read it. I want to see if I even get one email. I really would be shocked. 332 words now. Now its three hundred thirty-seven words. Words. More Words. The Hobbit was so good I loved it. It had good acting and good story telling and good music and good credits, both opening and closing. Made me feel like I was really in Westros. It was such an unexpected journey. I was like “what the heck that is so crazy oh my god.” Very good movie. 400 words. Almost there. Well not really almost there.  I still have to review the Battle of Five Armies. Another movie that I haven’t seen. And even if I had seen these movies why would my opinion on them be better than anyone else’s? What makes the words that I write on this page anything special? There is no explanation or good reason.  I asked for this. I asked to write these reviews. I guess I am just a masochist. I am so close to 500. Overall this was a good movie with good stuff. Now we’re done.

8.5 / 10

The Hobbit a Battle of Five Armies

The Hobbit a Battle of Five Armies is Alfred Hitchcock’s take on The Passion of the Christ. This film has a star studded cast with so many stars you will think this movie is the night sky.  When I first looked at the dish I was slightly confused.  Ramen in cabbage salad? I’ve never had anything like it. The salad also included almonds which isn’t something that I really like in my salad. Would I say the salad changed my mind about almonds? No. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. Quite the opposite actually. I enjoyed the crunchiness. I liked being able to taste my salad differently. It was a fresh take on a well-known formula that made my dinner different.  The potato pancakes on the other hand were more simple. But you have to remember what I always say, “simplicity does not mean bad food.” That was definitely the case with this meal. The potato pancakes were simple, yet delicious. The complexity of the meal came not with how the food was made, but yet how it made me feel. My emotions were struck by these positively precious potato pancakes. I often wonder if I am truly a good person. Do I care about others? Am I entirely selfish? This question was answered after I finished my meal. I felt true emotions and empathy that I didn’t know I could feel. I felt like a real person, not a piece of human trash that is not fit to live their life on this planet. Not some rancid swine feeding off of the good deeds of others. I felt… happy. Overall good movie. Good acting. Good story. A very good soundtrack that was great and good but still managed to be good. I liked how they had a sponsorship from Pepsi. It made the film feel kind of good to me. It made it feel like really great to me. A good movie I think in my opinion. 337. Almost there. I just want to stop. Bleh. When I was a kid my sister decided that she wanted to throw a rock at my head so I started to bleed. I also stuck a bead in my nose and I had to go to a doctor for them to get it out. If you are wondering whether or not you should stick a bead in your nose then I think you should not. My review for the bead in the nose would go like this: It is bad. Not a good time. In fact it is a very bad time. Don’t spend your money on beads if you are just going to stick them into your nose you doofus. Come on. 4/10. But that is not what I am reviewing. I am reviewing The Hobbit Battle of Five Armies. I know what you might be wondering to yourself, “Where does the Hobbit keep his armies?” In his sleeveies. I’m done.

10/10

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