Hawkman AF


Has something of yours ever been stolen? Has something gone inexplicably missing? But then, right as you are about to send your fifth All Student Email about your “missing pink iPod touch between Monty and Kent” it shows up mysteriously at your window? Then, as you look out into the cold unforgiving night, a figure all in black with wings sprints away towards the P.S. Winnebago?

Well you’re not the only one.

Numerous sightings of the “Hawkman,” as a number of late-night weight-lifters have taken to calling him, have occurred, all within the context of a piece of vigilante justice. Once he was seen replacing the light-bulb in a street lamp outside the campus center; another time shooing a skunk away from walking on the brick path. I spoke to two students who had personal encounters with the man who some are calling a hero. Drew Merryman said, “I saw the Hawkman switch someone else’s load of laundry, even put in a dryer sheet with it. When he saw me walk in he just sorta ran away flapping his wings. The guy whose laundry it was came in right afterwards, and literally cried tears of joy.” Another similar incident happened to one Micheal Elkan: “It was two thirty, right after my calc class, and I went to go get lunch from the Great-Room, but when I got there there was no one at the register. Suddenly the Hawkman swooped in from behind me in a whirlwind of feathers; he swiped me in and gave me an extra straw with my take-out box so I could pretend to be a walrus.” Obviously touched, Micheal added, “It was the best day of my life.”

How someone so conspicuous could escape photography is astounding, but I couldn’t find a single picture of this “Hawkman.” Until I heard this story, sophmore Miriam Finnley said “I was once studying late at night in the library, my headphones in and music blaring to help me focus. I lost track of time and eventually the 1 am time limit came around…but I couldn’t hear the ‘library’s closing’ song. I would’ve been yelled at by a mildly upset librarian had the Hawkman not stepped in. He tapped me on my shoulder to tell me the library was closing. He literally saved my life.” I investigated the scene of the rescue to pick up clues as to the Hawkman’s true identity,  but all I found were feathers and an open window. And a ladder leading to the ground from the open window. So I end where I started, no clues to the Hawkman’s identity. But does it matter? With these harmless heroics what could go wrong? Well, as always there are two sides to this story. A maintenance worker who asked to remain unidentified had this to say: “Yea I was just going to do my job and squeegee the third floor windows in the library, but the ladder I set aside wasn’t there. I had to walk all the way around to the other side of the library to get the ladder.” In tears he added, “It was mildly inconvenient.” So the jury is still out. Hawkman, admirable hero? Or rising menace? That’s for you to decide.